x_empty_hearted

yesterday's count. real bad.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 11:52:39 GMT

yesterday started well. ended awful. ugh i hate the bar.

2 cups white rice: 484
5oz chicken : 231
steamed broccoli : 25
2 fried chicken tenders : 400
1 dozen bbq chicken wings : 800
maryland crab cake : 93
3 glasses chardonnay : 360

total for the day : 2393

yick. awful. it would've been 740 had i not hung out at the bar & ate & ate & ate. i hate myself.

lost 7.5lbs :)

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 16:51:42 GMT

i stepped on the scale this morning and i lost 7.5lbs. so nice. i joined a community and i am very excited. especially since my calories were a bit on the higher side.

March 5th
pinapple : 120 cals
9oz ahi tuna: 331
6oz filet mignon : 329
steamed veggies: 50
strawberries : 53
chicken sandwich: 420
Total: 1,303 calories for the day

March 6th
7 trisciuts? : 120 cals
7 multigrain pretzels: 120 cals
1 cup white rice : 267
1 cup broccoli : 55 cals
9oz ahi tuna: 331
handful of pinenuts: 11 cals
total for the day : 904 cals

i'm joining the gym now. planet fitness here i come.

think thin. think thin. think thin.

just an add

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:47:57 GMT

i got a ticker to clock my weight.
when i reach my goal i'm am going to get the tattoo i've been looking at getting.
a lotus flower, going all the way from my lower back, weaving up the right side of my back & rib cage & then ending on my right shoulderblade. it'll be amazing.

lotus flowers symbol rebirth & that's exactly what i'll be when i reach my goal, reborn.

...

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 08:35:07 GMT

life is too hard right now.

i'm going back to my old ways. i have to. i've ballooned to 184 from my original skinny weight of 103. i cannot and will not have that. it's time to get back on track. it's time to be thin again. i need to be thin, everything else in my life is so crazy right now. i messed up high school, and my twin sister is fucking bipolar. sometimes i think i am. my mom drinks all the time and refuses to get help, so if she doesn't have to recover, neither do i. i just want to be thin and attractive and athletic and smart again. and i know that this is the way to do it. when i was thin my entire life was in control, i need that back. i need structure, and i need help. i'm going to join a community like i did last time. i have to figure things out for me, make things work for me, and i know i can do it. support is all i need. support, support, support. the best part is i haven't used this journal in so long, no one will know nor care. and when i get thin again they'll just think i'm excersizing and eating right and be happy for me. it'll be great. okay here's for my stats....

Name: Erin
Age:18
Height: 4'11
Weight: 184
BMI:37.2 (highest fucking yet)
Lowest Weight: 102-103
Highest Weight: Current (184)
Short Term Goal 1 : 160 by April
Short Term Goal 2 : 140 by May
Short term goal: 120 by June 1st
Long term goal: 102-3 by August/September. i think i can live with that.

i want to lose 20 pounds per month. i don't care how much i have to starve to do it.

Yesterday's calorie count :
3 servings of multigrain pretzels( 7 each: 21 pretzels) = 360 calories
1/2 cup cashews = 395
Total Calories : 755

not great but will be better. I'm not going to eat anything today.
I'm thinking i'll go on a 5-day fast, & i'll only drink green tea and water. maybe coffee.

wish me luck.